Take a group of 10 to 20 cheerleaders plus their parents and add a coach or two and what do you have?  The potential for great joy, yes, but also significant strife! 

What could possibly go wrong?  Well, here’s my list and I invite you to add to it! 

1. Cheerleaders who come late for practice – all the time.
2. Cheerleaders who whine and complain about the hard work.
3. Cheerleaders who goof off during practice.
4. Cheerleaders with a negative attitude.
5. Cheerleaders who talk trash about others.
6. Cheerleaders who do not want to try something new.
7. Parents who insist that their child should be the star.
8. Parents who interfere with the coaches’ decisions.
9. Parents who interfere with practice (loud talking, etc.)
10. Parents who think they know better than the coach.
11. Coaches who yell at team members.
12. Coaches who have obvious favorites.
13. Coaches who ignore phone calls from parents.
14. Coaches who are late for practice.
15. Coaches who treat their assistants poorly. 

Now let me be clear.  I recognize that most coaches, cheerleaders, and parents do not belong on this list but – it only takes one of these situations to cause problems and that is what we’re looking at now – problems and how to manage them. 

Feel free to comment and add to the list. 

In my next posting, I will present Greg Hicks’s six-step communications model for Constructive Confrontation.

Conflicts are bound to arise in any kind of group and cheerleading teams are no exception.  The way conflict is addressed can make the difference between a healthy environment and a toxic one. 

I had the pleasure of hearing Greg Hicks of GDH & Partners talk about this topic at the Organization of Spirit Providers (OSIP) conference last week.  He graciously allowed me to summarize his talk for you. 

The first point Mr. Hicks made was that when you fail to confront negative behaviors, you essentially are signaling acceptance of them.  So, you are, in effect, encouraging them to continue! 

There are many reasons why this might happen including the fact that confronting someone is uncomfortable for most people. Sometimes you might hope it (the problem) will just go away and so, if you ignore it, perhaps harmony will magically return. 

Another reason is fear that addressing a problem will affect a relationship in a negative way.  And still another reason is not wanting to be seen as “the bad guy.” Of course you may simply not know what to do and so – you do nothing! 

Can you think of what holds you back from confronting someone? 

Stay tuned for my next posting when I will present a list of some behaviors and difficult situations that are typical of cheerleading.

If you ask someone how important self-esteem is for a cheerleader (or anyone, for that matter), you will likely hear that self-esteem is critical for good performance – not to mention a happy life.

In fact self -esteem is considered so important that teachers, coaches, and parents bend over backwards to protect young people from feeling bad about themselves.  The question is – is this really a good idea?

You would think that with so much boosting of self-esteem going on that the incidence of depression would be decreasing.  In fact, the reverse is true.  depression is more of a problem than ever. in children and adolescents.  What are we doing wrong?

Perhaps there is too much emphasis on how a child or adolescent feels at the expense of what the child does.  In other words, fretting over Suzie’s feelings is not as effective as helping Suzie achieve mastery in whatever she is attempting to accomplish.  Suzie will feel good if she performs well.  (And by the way, telling Suzie she performed beautifully when she did not, only serves to make her feel worse.)

There are no studies that demonstrate that self-esteem causes anything. Rather, self-esteem is affected by the child’s success or failure in the world. We should promote the “doing well” side of self-esteem.  This means teaching children how to do things like – how to study, how to set goals, how to manage big feelings, how to manage disappointment, how to be assertive, and how to negotiate for what they want.

Cheerleading is a perfect sport for this to happen!  A good coach indeed teaches mastery and patience and setting appropriate goals. A good coach will be honest and direct (and also kind and thoughtful, of course) in delivering feedback to a cheerleader.

Bottom line?  Protecting children from feeling disappointment, frustration, sadness, and embarrassment deprives them of learning how to manage and grow from those feelings.  Let’s all promote the “doing well” side of self-esteem

I recently came across a book by Bobbi DePorter called: The 7 Biggest Teen Problems and How to Turn Them Into Strengths.  In the handbook that accompanies the book, Ms. DePorter describes a communication system that can easily be adapted by cheerleaders and cheer coaches – it’s called the OTFD or Open the Front Door. 

In this system, O stands for Observe; T = Thought; F = Feelings; and D = Desire.  Here’s how it works:  In any interpersonal communication, especially when there is tension or the potential for conflict, start with sharing what it is you have Observed, then the Thought that accompanies this Observation. Then, state the Feeling you have about this and finally ask what it is you want to happen (Desire). 

As an example, let’s say you’re a cheer coach and a member of your squad (Suzie) is chronically late for practice.  Here’s how you can handle the situation using OTFD: 

            Suzie, you have been late for practice 6 times over the last month. (Observation)

            My thought is that you have lost your commitment to the squad. (Thought)

            This both worries and annoys me. (Feeling)

            I want and expect you to appear on time for all future practices. (Desire) 

Now, there might be more you would say in this instance but the OTFD framework helps you to step back from the emotional heat of the moment to gather your thoughts and feelings and find a way to communicate them.