Impulse control is the second skill on the Resiliency list created by Dr. Karen Reivich.  For cheerleaders, controlling the desire to act on feelings is important.  Highly resilient people are able to tolerate ambiguity so they don’t rush to make decisions. They sit back and look at things in a thoughtful way before acting. 

Impulsive people act before they think.  Another way of putting it is: ready, fire, aim!  I’m sure you know this can get you into all sorts of trouble! 

One way to manage this is to create a wedge between your impulse to act and the action itself.  Imagine a remote control device with the “pause” button.  When you watch a DVD, you can move it forward, backforward or pause it.  When in “pause” mode, you create the space to do something else.  You might get something to eat, answer the phone, or whatever but you are in control for a period of time. 

It’s the same with other things in life.  You can choose to “pause” to create the space in which to think about what you will do next.  If you get in the habit of hitting the “pause” button, you  will make better decisions for yourself and you won’t’ regret saying or doing something down the road.

Part of any mental game approach is the ability to reframe obstacles into opportunities.  Instead of dwelling on what’s wrong, a mentally tough person will determine what the solution is to the problem and then take action to resolve it. 

This was true for Lawrence “Herkie” Herkimer, known as the father of modern cheerleading.  Herkie had a stuttering problem when he was young.  Now some kids who stutter hide in embarrassment.  Not Herkie!  Instead of focusing on a weakness, he discovered and nurtured his strengths.  

Herkie decided to master acrobatic skills which led him to his high school’s cheerleading squad where he discovered that he didn’t stutter when he spoke in rhymes. 

Of course, Herkie didn’t stop there!  He went on to cheer at Southern Methodist University (SMU) and eventually founded the National Cheerleading Association (NCA). 

It’s interesting to think what might have happened (or – what might not have happened!) if Lawrence Herkimer had allowed his stuttering to silence him. 

How about you?  What kinds of challenges might you be allowing to stop you?  Take your inspiration from Herkie – find your strengths and talents and build on them!

To be a good cheerleader, you have to be physically strong.  To be a great cheerleader, you also have to be mentally strong.  I’ve written about  mental toughness before and I’ve identified 8 qualities connected to mental toughness; I call them the “8 C’s” and here they are: 1) Championship mindset; 2) Concentration; 3) Composure; 4) Come-back from mistakes: 5) Clarity about motivation; 6) Commitment: 7) Confidence; and  Courage. 

A good example of a mentally tough athlete is 17 year old tennis star Melanie Oudin who won her first match at the US Open on Monday (she lost on Wednesday but not before winning the hearts of an international audience). 

From all accounts, Melanie Oudin demonstrated mental toughness from the beginning of her tennis career. 

One of Melanie’s coaches, Noel Wadawu said that everyone saw that mental toughness in Melanie from the day she first walked onto the courts (in Sandy Spring, Ga.).  “She was nine year old…not too many kids come out her and, when you say, okay, let’s try to hit 200 balls in a row, and you’ve got ot do it until you get it-she did it every single time.” 

Wadawu went onto to say, “It’s always been a mental game (for Melanie); she is simple focused entirely on her game. Mental toughness.  You just don’t see too many kids that focused.”

By the way, Melanie wears custom designed yellow and pink shoes with the word “BELIEVE” inscribed on the heel.  What do you think this says about her?  Belief in your ability to perform well contributes to mental toughness.

 If you have ever felt discouraged when attempting to accomplish something, (and who hasn’t?) I encourage you to watch this video of Ted Kennedy, Jr. at his father’s funeral.  (Ted Kennedy, long-time U.S. Senator of Massachusetts, died last week.) 

When Teddy Jr. was a boy, he had a rare form of bone cancer which necessitated the amputation of his leg.  In this eulogy, he recalls his father’s words of love and encouragement to him at a moment when young Teddy was feeling disconsolate. 

The lesson for all of us is not only – “don’t give up” – but also, to recognize that others are often willing and eager to help you climb that hill. 

For cheerleaders this means, talk to your coaches and your team-mates if you’re feeling discouraged; they will want to help you!  And don’t forget how valuable your words of encouragement can be for others. 

An emotionally resilient cheerleader is a powerful cheerleader.  Yesterday I wrote about the US Army’s emotional resiliency program and I mentioned that much of what the Army will be learning is what I already write about in this blog. 

As I’ve said so many times, the way you think affects the way you feel and the way you perform.   One way to categorize thoughts is in terms of “hot thoughts” and “cool thoughts.” 

Hot thoughts get you into trouble because they are thoughts you have when you are upset and they usually lead you to take action you might later regret. 

Hot thoughts happen quickly; they are knee-jerk reactions to a situation.  For example, let’s say you go cheer practice one day and your best friend doesn’t give you a welcome hug like she usually does.  If you’re a hot thinker, you might think, “She doesn’t like me anymore!  I must have done something wrong!”  

Now this line of thinking might lead you to act in a certain way that you might later regret.  You might retreat from your friend or you might yell at her or you might tell someone else about the situation.  You aren’t taking the time to step back and consider what else might be going on.  

If you are a cool thinker, for the same situation, you might think, “Gee I wonder what’s going on with her?  It’s possible I upset her but maybe it has nothing to do with me.  Maybe she’s preoccupied with something.” 

In this instance, your cool thinking will allow you to respond differently to your friend. You might gently ask her if she’s ok or if she needs to talk. You won’t jump the gun and assume the worst. 

Cool thoughts mean you take a moment to pause and consider all the options before you respond.  Cool thoughts lead to a happier and healthier existence. 

So…stay cool!

You might wonder why I’m writing about the Army for a cheerleading blog!  Well, there is a connection.  The Army has begun an emotional resiliency training program to help soldiers deal with the terrible impact of combat and the interventions they are using are quite similar to what I write about on the blog.

They will be learning how to identify and change negative thinking.  They are learning how to reframe their thoughts from something that is disruptive to something that is neutral or positive.  They are learning how to identify cognitive distortions.  They are learning how to handle challenging situations.

Does this sound familiar?  Well, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, it should!  And by the way, the Army is spending $117 million dollars on this program and you get it here for free!

If you ask someone how important self-esteem is for a cheerleader (or anyone, for that matter), you will likely hear that self-esteem is critical for good performance – not to mention a happy life.

In fact self -esteem is considered so important that teachers, coaches, and parents bend over backwards to protect young people from feeling bad about themselves.  The question is – is this really a good idea?

You would think that with so much boosting of self-esteem going on that the incidence of depression would be decreasing.  In fact, the reverse is true.  depression is more of a problem than ever. in children and adolescents.  What are we doing wrong?

Perhaps there is too much emphasis on how a child or adolescent feels at the expense of what the child does.  In other words, fretting over Suzie’s feelings is not as effective as helping Suzie achieve mastery in whatever she is attempting to accomplish.  Suzie will feel good if she performs well.  (And by the way, telling Suzie she performed beautifully when she did not, only serves to make her feel worse.)

There are no studies that demonstrate that self-esteem causes anything. Rather, self-esteem is affected by the child’s success or failure in the world. We should promote the “doing well” side of self-esteem.  This means teaching children how to do things like – how to study, how to set goals, how to manage big feelings, how to manage disappointment, how to be assertive, and how to negotiate for what they want.

Cheerleading is a perfect sport for this to happen!  A good coach indeed teaches mastery and patience and setting appropriate goals. A good coach will be honest and direct (and also kind and thoughtful, of course) in delivering feedback to a cheerleader.

Bottom line?  Protecting children from feeling disappointment, frustration, sadness, and embarrassment deprives them of learning how to manage and grow from those feelings.  Let’s all promote the “doing well” side of self-esteem

The best cheerleaders have ample supplies of motivation and discipline.  I like to think of motivation as being the “why” you do something.  The bigger the “why” the more determined you will be to do the necessary work to succeed. 

I came across the following quote in the Handbook for The 7 Biggest Teen Problems and How to Turn Them into Strengths by Bobbi DePorter: 

“We make a distinction between motivation and discipline: Motivation is doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, when we want to do it.  Discipline is doing what needs to be done, when it needs to be done, when we don’t want to do it.” 

Of course it’s easier to forge ahead when you’re excited about something and when you can see immediate payoff but the true champion has both motivation and discipline.  A true champion is able to see the big picture and recognize that hard work now and over time will pay off in the future.

If you’re a cheer coach, you’ve probably heard a cheerleader say, “I can’t” at least once in your coaching career.  And if you’re a cheerleader, you’ve probably said, “I can’t” at least once or twice in your cheerleading career. 

Too often however, the “I can’t” really means “I won’t” or “I don’t know how.”  This is an important distinction.  When you say “I can’t” you are selling yourself short; you are limiting yourself.  This can happen when you are anxious or afraid or – just plain lazy! 

I invite you to pay attention to what you say and if you catch yourself saying, “I can’t” consider what you might really be feeling.  Are you nervous?  Are you worried you will make a mistake?  It may be more accurate to say, “I don’t know how…” and then work with your coach to find a way to learn what is being asked of you.  

If you really mean “I won’t” when you say “I can’t” it’s time to determine if you have the necessary commitment to the sport of cheerleading. 

So, keep your ears tuned to what you say and think about what it means!

Cheerleading is a complex sport requiring physical dexterity, athletic competence, and superb mental skills.  It isn’t unusual for a cheerleader to experience a mental block about a particular stunt or routine. 

This is Part III in my response to a cheerleader’s plea for help in eliminating a mental block. 

You are right in calling your problem a “mental block.”  Your biggest problem is the way you are thinking about your routine.  You’ve got it in your head that you cannot do something and your body is complying. 

I’ve said it before and I will repeat it many times on this blog site: Your body does what your mind thinks.  So, let’s change the way you think! 

First, write down the story you are creating about the situation.  In your case, it may be – “I’ll never be able to throw a full except when I do it alone.”  

Is this thought helpful or harmful to you?  Is it positive or negative? We can see it doesn’t help you and it’s negative. 

And now ask where your time focus is.  Well, it is in the future since you are predicting what will happen. Your job then is to first change that negative thought to a neutral or a positive one and then to move your time focus to the present – to the here and now. 

You can do this by challenging the veracity of your thoughts. Is it true that you will NEVER be able to throw a full except when you are alone?  How can you be so sure?  Are you always right in predicting the future?  Become like a detective, searching for the truth. 

To revise your thinking, you might say, “Well, it is true that I am having a hard time throwing a full NOW when I’m with others but that doesn’t mean that will always be true.” 

 What do you think needs to happen for you to be able to throw a full during the group routine?  We know you are capable of executing the move under some conditions. This mode of thinking shifts your perspective from that of a helpless victim to a problem solver. 

What might be contributing to this problem?  List all possible causes.  My guess is it’s a focus problem.  Your focus is on what others are doing or you are afraid you will bump into someone but whatever it is, your focus is not where it should be – if it were, you would be able to execute your move! 

So, where should your focus be?  Exactly where it is when you do it alone!

So what do you need to do to improve your focus?  First thing is to calm down.  As I’ve said before, anxiety leads to fuzzy focus.  And what’s a quick way to calm down? Exhale slowly several times.  Then say, “focus” to yourself.  The only thing you need to focus on is executing your move cleanly. 

So, by identifying how and what you are thinking, you can uncover any distortions in your thinking. You can challenge your thinking and become detective-like in figuring out what the problem is and then you can generate some solutions. 

For you (as it usually is) the issue is focus!  Please re-read these 3 posts and take a peek at past ones for other helpful hints. 

Good luck to you! 

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