Impulse control is the second skill on the Resiliency list created by Dr. Karen Reivich.  For cheerleaders, controlling the desire to act on feelings is important.  Highly resilient people are able to tolerate ambiguity so they don’t rush to make decisions. They sit back and look at things in a thoughtful way before acting. 

Impulsive people act before they think.  Another way of putting it is: ready, fire, aim!  I’m sure you know this can get you into all sorts of trouble! 

One way to manage this is to create a wedge between your impulse to act and the action itself.  Imagine a remote control device with the “pause” button.  When you watch a DVD, you can move it forward, backforward or pause it.  When in “pause” mode, you create the space to do something else.  You might get something to eat, answer the phone, or whatever but you are in control for a period of time. 

It’s the same with other things in life.  You can choose to “pause” to create the space in which to think about what you will do next.  If you get in the habit of hitting the “pause” button, you  will make better decisions for yourself and you won’t’ regret saying or doing something down the road.

In a previous post I wrote about the 7 skills associated with resilience. The first one, according to Dr. Karen Reivich, is Emotional Awareness and Regulation which is the ability to identify what you are feeling and to control and manage those feelings.

Why might this be important for a cheerleader? Excellence in any sport is all about control. A wise cheerleader will be able to identify those things that can be controlled and those things that cannot. Energy and focus should be placed on those things that can be controlled, of course, and the most important thing to control (and the only thing totally under your control) are your emotions.

The first step is to become aware of what you are feeling. A useful guide is something called the RULER which was created by Professor Marc Brackett, the deputy director of the Yale University’s health, emotion and behavior laboratory.

RULER stands for Recognize, Understand, Label, Express, and Regulate:

Recognize emotions to obtain valuable information about the environment. Feelings provide information. There is nothing inherently “bad” about feelings – even so-called negative ones. Suppressing emotions may actually lead to an increase in the feelings you do not want to have! Make note of what you are feeling. You do not need to act on the feelings, just notice them.

Understand the causes of emotions to predict behavior. Your feelings will vary depending on the way you interpret an event. If you see something as threatening, you will experience fear or anger; if you see something as funny, you will feel experience a positive sense of amusement; if you experience a loss (of a person, a situation, or self esteem), you might feel sad or helpless.

Label emotions to describe feelings precisely and accurately. Try to develop a rich vocabulary to describe how you feel. For example, if you are amused by something you might feel charmed, delighted, entertained, or pleased. If you are sad, you might also feel disappointed, morose, depressed, blue, or unhappy.

Express emotions appropriately to communicate messages effectively. There are many ways to express emotions including nonverbal ways and speaking or writing. There are also times to express feelings and times when you should not! Expressing your feelings in the middle of a competition is obviously not the right time!

Regulate emotions to harness their constructive power. Knowing how and when to express feelings is important but knowing how to modulate the intensity of feelings is useful too. This does not mean to suppress feelings but rather to turn the dial down on their intensity. Big feelings can be reduced in size to something that is more manageable for you and for others around you.

Do you think resilience is innate (we are born with it) or can it be learned? No matter what you believe, we can all agree that resilience is an important ingredient for cheerleading success (and life success, too!).

Of course I believe it can be learned and so does Dr Karen Reivich who is co-author of The Optimistic Child, with Professor Martin Seligman, and co-author of the Resilience Factor.

Dr, Reivich says that there are (at least) 7 skills associated with resilience. All can be learned and incorporated into your life. Here they are:

1. Emotional awareness and regulation.
This is primarily the ability to identify what you are feeling and, when necessary, the ability to control and manage your feelings.
2. Impulse control.
Highly resilient people are able to tolerate ambiguity so they don’t rush to make decisions. They sit back and look at things in a thoughtful way before acting.
3. Optimism.
This refers to ‘realistic optimism’ not pie-in-the-sky optimism. People who are blindly optimistic do not have a brand of optimism which facilitates problem solving: in fact it interferes with it. So for optimism to help resilience, it needs to be wed to reality.
4. Causal analysis
This means the ability to think comprehensively about the problems you confront. Folks who score high in resilience are able to look at problems from many perspectives and consider many factors.
5. Empathy
People who score high on emotional awareness and understand their own emotions tend also to score high on empathy – the ability to read and understand the emotions of others. This is important for resilience for two reasons: first, it helps build relationships with others and then this builds social support
6. Self-efficacy
This is confidence in your ability to solve problems. This is partly about knowing what your strengths and weaknesses are and relying on your strengths to cope. Reivich stresses that this is different than self esteem. In other words, it is not just about feeling good about yourself, it is what she calls “a skills based mastery notion of coping.”
7. Reaching out
By this Reivich means being prepared to take appropriate risk. People who score high on resilience are willing to try things and think failure is a part of life.

Take a few moments to consider this list. On a scale of 1 – 5, with 1 being low and 5 being high, how would you rate yourself on each dimension? Stay tuned for ways to improve your score!

An emotionally resilient cheerleader is a powerful cheerleader.  Yesterday I wrote about the US Army’s emotional resiliency program and I mentioned that much of what the Army will be learning is what I already write about in this blog. 

As I’ve said so many times, the way you think affects the way you feel and the way you perform.   One way to categorize thoughts is in terms of “hot thoughts” and “cool thoughts.” 

Hot thoughts get you into trouble because they are thoughts you have when you are upset and they usually lead you to take action you might later regret. 

Hot thoughts happen quickly; they are knee-jerk reactions to a situation.  For example, let’s say you go cheer practice one day and your best friend doesn’t give you a welcome hug like she usually does.  If you’re a hot thinker, you might think, “She doesn’t like me anymore!  I must have done something wrong!”  

Now this line of thinking might lead you to act in a certain way that you might later regret.  You might retreat from your friend or you might yell at her or you might tell someone else about the situation.  You aren’t taking the time to step back and consider what else might be going on.  

If you are a cool thinker, for the same situation, you might think, “Gee I wonder what’s going on with her?  It’s possible I upset her but maybe it has nothing to do with me.  Maybe she’s preoccupied with something.” 

In this instance, your cool thinking will allow you to respond differently to your friend. You might gently ask her if she’s ok or if she needs to talk. You won’t jump the gun and assume the worst. 

Cool thoughts mean you take a moment to pause and consider all the options before you respond.  Cool thoughts lead to a happier and healthier existence. 

So…stay cool!

You might wonder why I’m writing about the Army for a cheerleading blog!  Well, there is a connection.  The Army has begun an emotional resiliency training program to help soldiers deal with the terrible impact of combat and the interventions they are using are quite similar to what I write about on the blog.

They will be learning how to identify and change negative thinking.  They are learning how to reframe their thoughts from something that is disruptive to something that is neutral or positive.  They are learning how to identify cognitive distortions.  They are learning how to handle challenging situations.

Does this sound familiar?  Well, if you’ve been reading this blog for a while, it should!  And by the way, the Army is spending $117 million dollars on this program and you get it here for free!