Rejection at Cheerleading Tryouts
Reality is tough. Not every girl who tries out for a cheerleading team is accepted. When you are a young teenager and this happens, it can seem like the end of the world. I recently received a message from a girl who had just been rejected from her high school cheer squad. She was desperately unhappy. This is how I responded to her. (Some info has been altered to protect confidentiality.)
It’s heart-breaking to feel rejected! I can see why you feel so devastated and depressed. When you are in the middle of experiencing such big feelings, it’s hard to be objective and it’s hard to imagine you would ever feel any differently.
As much as we would like to believe otherwise, life simply isn’t fair. Well, sometimes it is but often it isn’t and if we cling to the belief that it OUGHT to be fair, we will be sorely disappointed. If the coach did indeed choose girls who were less qualified than you, that isn’t fair. Still – there is little or nothing you can do about it I’m afraid.
I have said many times that in life, there are things we have control over and things we do not have control over. It’s important to know the difference and to expend our focus and energy only on those things we DO have control over.
In your situation, you had no control over who the other applicants were, how skilled they were compared to you, whether they had an “in” with the coach or not, and so forth. The only thing you had control over was your own performance and the time and energy you devoted to preparing for the tryout.
It sounds like you did work hard and did your best. Unfortunately, for a variety of reasons, you did not make it but it sounds like that was because of things you had NO control over. For what it’s worth, you can feel proud of your effort and your courage. I know that doesn’t sound like much right now but it may be that some day you will be able to reflect on this and see that you did the best you could which is all anyone can ever ask of you.
When you have big feelings like you are having, it’s important to honor them as being valid and it’s also important to eventually put it all into perspective (which is hard at first). Some people might tell you what happened is “no big deal” but that isn’t helpful and it’s their way of trying to make you feel better. Of course it is a big deal! At the same time you have to find a way to move on with your life, right?
Have you looked into Pop Warner cheerleading? Or a Recreation cheer team in your community? I think there are NO tryouts for Pop Warner.
If there isn’t’ a Rec team or Pop Warner team in your area, let’s look at some other options for you.
I know you want to be a cheerleader and it seems to you at this moment that there is nothing that could replace it. But please try to take a step back and look at the bigger picture. Think about all the reasons why you want to be a cheerleader. What are they? Some possible reasons could be:
- To be physically active and athletic
- To be part of a team or group
- To express school spirit
- To be popular
- To have something to do besides school work
Are these some of the reasons you want to be a cheerleader? What would you add to the list?
Now, even though in your heart of hearts you want to be a cheerleader, think about how else you might be physically active and athletic. For example, can you join another athletic team at school or in your community?
Ok – and if you long to be part of a team or a group, what other group at school or in your community can you join? Your school guidance counselor can help you with this. At school, you could join a drama club (even if you don’t act, you could help behind the scenes) or some other club or group or you could offer to volunteer somewhere.
If you want to express your school spirit, look into a Pep Club or start one! Get a group of kids together to paint banners supporting the teams. You see…there are los of ways to be part of something and to make good connections with others.
Please keep me posted as to how you are doing. I wish you well!
Well, this person did write back to me saying she felt “so much better” which makes me feel better, too!
How would you have handled this situation? Your thoughts and comments are welcome!
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July 29th, 2010 at 9:17 pm
Great topic! This is one of the most difficult things for coaches to deal with, and even for them it’s a short period of time before they are on to working with their team. It is important to understand the difficulties and heartbreak of not making the cut and to give those who didn’t make it honest feedback. What some may not understand is that while they may have even been more talented than two of the people that made it, they may have been the best of the position that was most needed. Cheerleading isn’t always a ‘one type fits all’. Teams need bases, tops, and backspots.
One bit of advice I would add is to also look for a good all-star gym in your area. Most all-star gyms have tryouts, but they are to determine which of their level teams fit your ability level the best. From there, you can continue to work on your skills during the year and have a great time doing it. When next year rolls around, you will have a better chance of making the school team than someone who didn’t work on their skills. And who knows? You might find like many others that you enjoy the competition side of cheer and stay with your new friends you’ve made at the all-star gym!
July 30th, 2010 at 12:50 am
This is a topic near and dear to my heart. And yes Jim, one of the first hard lessons I learned and adhered to was my responsibility to be honest with my participants. I’ve attended many middle school tryouts and been present when the lists were posted and the tears start. Pamela, you’re advice is right on point. In the 10 years I coached Pop Warner, many of the girls came from the disappointment of not making a try-out team. I’m proud to say – proud of my girls! – that many of them went on to try out and cheer on their high school teams and allstar squads. And in the end, none grow up to be cheerleaders – it’s about so much more. I always told my squads that if they worked as hard at anything else – as hard as they did at cheerleading – they couldn’t help but be successful. I never promised they would win a competition or be the best, and success is something different. It’s about lasting friendships, pride and confidence, earned while experiencing challenges, working hard and having fun!
July 30th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Thanks for your thoughtful comments Jim! Your advice about an All Star team is right on. When the girl wrote back to me with the good news that she was feeling much better, I wrote to her with the addedd suggestion that she consider looking for an All Star Team. And yes – sometimes a potential cheerleader is not chosen because there just insn’t the need for someone like her at that time. Clear communication on both sides can eliminate some of the pain associated with a rejection.
July 30th, 2010 at 2:22 pm
I love your comment – “In the end none grow up to be cheerleaders – it’s about so much more.” How true!
August 3rd, 2010 at 12:06 am
Hi–I’m a 57-year-old reject of the Minnetonka Minnesota High School Pep Club. I’m not talking about cheerleading but the school booster club. Back then, we had to “try out” for pep club. I had a scheduled time to meet with the A-squad cheerleaders who sat in a semi-circle and asked me questions like “who are your friends?” When the list was posted my name wasn’t on it and I was devastated. My friends all got in and because of that I then couldn’t sit with them at games. I watched anxiously every week as girls attended meetings, and felt horribly rejected. Where were my parents?? I don’t know–I think they had the attitude that we needed to accept what was doled out at school without complaint.
Since there is no place now to vent these feelings, I guess I’m doing it here. I’d also encourage you to allow anyone who’s interested to participate in this kind of activity. Thanks for listening. –Karen Olson
August 9th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
Thanks for writing Karen! It’s amazing, isn’t it – how those painful events can haunt us for years? I’m sure we all can come up with a story of rejection from our school days. On another note, your story reminds me how important it is for teachers to supervise extracurricular activities to prevent such thing from happening.